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Brief thoughts on map projections

IMO, every map projection that does not have at least one of the following four properties is worthless:

For example:

PropertyCylindricalAzimuthal
Equal-areaCylindrical equal-areaAzimuthal equal-area
ConformalMercatorOrthographic
Extremely simple in 2DEquirectangularAzimuthal equidistant
Extremely simple in 3DCentral cylindricalGnomonic

Ludicrously overcomplicated compromise projections can go fuck themselves.